Dresden Blue - Contact Staff Practice Log - Unfolding

Writing something up a little different for this one... My first reaction when I viewed this practice log had nothing to do with the actual dancing - but rather, a really intense feeling of body dysmorphia. “Wow, those clothes do not make me look good.“ “Is that how my body is really shaped right now?“ “How is that me?“ Right now: I’m easily the physically strongest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m happy and healthy in ways that felt out of reach even just a few short years ago. I have loving, supporting nesting partner who reminds me regularly just how attractive they find me. I have incredible photographer friends that do a fabulous job documenting my costuming antics when I’m shiny and sparkly and decked out for fire jams. I receive tons of positive feedback both over social media about this art I practice (including from y’all!) and at the smattering of performances I do out in the wilds. Despite all that? The combination and cuts of what I was wearing on this day gives my torso and belly a shape that made me cringe, and unable to concentrate on all the technical and artistic elements of my dance. Gone is my sense of this outfit being something practical and comfortable on a sweaty afternoon. Gone is the memory of the lyrical flowstate where I happily tinkered with SNES and vertical stall variations to a rippling bass of a song I love. All I could think was, “Ew, that’s me?“ And a profound sense of not liking the body behind the dance. I’m not saying this seeking external validation or praise. I’m saying all this to show how even someone who is successful by so many metrics - technical skill, regular gigs and performances, an able body - can *still* be preyed upon by the immense societal pressures to look and present in a certain way and find thoughts hijacked by toxic social programming. There’s this huge emphasis and push in social media to share media in which we are all immaculately coiffed, with outfits that tuck and squeeze our bodies into mainstream aesthetics. It’s impossible to completely get away from this poisonous pressure to appear as something other than what you are: deprogramming yourself and creating intentional, compassionate habits of thought that is more truly the work of a lifetime. Be kind to yourself when you practice, and how you look at yourself as you dance. You may, like me, continue to find moments and times when you trip up on ugly thoughts - where you feel unlikeable, or unskilled, where you can’t help but compare yourself to impossible ideals that do nothing other than leave you feeling awful inside. Combing through these is part of the practice and process, too. Music is “Unfolding“, by Etherwood and Laurelle Robichaud.