Checkmate, kitty.
By using a very specific glitch, you can complete the game in 30 seconds. I’ll try to keep it brief.
-You must start a New Game around 6968 times, on the 6969th attempt, there is a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance that 3 Ballas will spawn in front of CJ. That’s a sign that the glitch has been initiated. After CJ says “Here We Go Again“, get on the bicycle and press very specific keys (almost all of them). By doing so, one of the game’s animations will break and it’ll send CJ launching at a building. If you are lucky, he will ricochet to an oncoming car, which has a 4,20% chance of sending CJ through the window of the Johnson House.
-You will be in the middle of a cutscene, but it’s playable! Thus, you can pick up a chair and use it to take down Big Smoke. Next, you must do a glitch that I like to call “Johnson Pot God Launch“. Jump to the corner where the pot is and press very specific keys again. One of the animations will break, as well as some audio, which causes a massive explosion that sends CJ flying from Grove Street to the cemetery (where Ryder is). If the RNG is perfect, you will drop directly on Ryder, crushing him during the cutscene. Make sure Kendl is spooked, or else the game will softlock. Usually a 5% chance.
-Run to the bicycle parked nearby. By doing a frame perfect jump, you can bounce and land on Tenpenny’s car, which can easily wipe out Pulaski. It’s a one in 177 billion chance though, having a good gaming chair helps. A firetruck will arrive, which is CRUCIAL for the end of the run, or else GTA SA will crash. Walk to Tenpenny, press very specific keys and the game will break, in a good way. It’ll send him flying to Grove Street. Do the same for the firetruck, too. For CJ, go the nearby lamp and do the glitch. The lamp method is not very consistent, as it has a % chance of successfully sending CJ back to Grove Street without draining his health.
-If everything worked, congratulations! You beat the game.
Background music: Trance Music for Racing Game
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March 7th, 2022 EDIT: My record was beat by Kaka Projects, by around 122 years faster than mine
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