When the craziest philosopher in history was caught masturbating in public, he said he wished it were as easy to get rid of hunger by touching his belly. When a man called him a dog, he urinated on the man’s leg. When the man got angry, he said, ’If I’m a dog, why are you surprised?’ When he was sentenced to exile by the people of Sinope, he said, ’And I condemn you to remain in this city.’ When he was sold as a slave and the auctioneer asked what kind of work he was good for, he replied, ’To be a master.’ When Plato defined humans as the only featherless bipeds, he entered his lecture with a plucked chicken and said, ’Behold, a man!’ When he saw the son of an unwed mother throwing stones at the crowd, he approached him and said, ’Be careful, boy. You might hit your father.’
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