Everything Is Awful

Brazen thieves caught in the act of stealing a 200-pound Galapagos tortoise in Arizona ran over the animal as they fled the scene. The owner, Jerry Fife, saw the two men trying to carry the massive tortoise named Jasmine to their truck, when he ran out to confront them. Fife successfully scared them off, but they ran over Jasmine while fleeing the scene. Fife was heartbroken. He said the tortoise, which he had since it hatched 27 years ago, was the longest he’d spent with anything in his life.