I’ll Die Anyway || Moondancer MLP || Vent animatic PMV

Made by me and pandan009. pandan009 is on Instagram I sketched this animatic last October. pandan009 drew most of the pictures and I edited and drew some more. Music: I’ll Die Anyway - Girl in Red Drawn in Krita and Photoshop. Video edited in DaVinci Resolve 16. The sketch (very sketchy) is on my deviantArt ---- Very long vent below. ---- So, I’ve been depressed for over a decade. Never tried suicide, because I’m very confident with my suicide skills, and wouldn’t try unless I’m sure about death, but I give it a 50% chance I will die by suicide someday. When I first watched MLP, I found Twilight Sparkle very relatable. I was great at studies, and cherished my friendships. But as the years went on, she became a princess, and gained more and more friends, while I have been left behind. I did not become a princess (obviously), or achieve anything great, and to make life so much more painful, the friendships kept getting broken. Days come, days go, nothin but my sorrows grow. Friendship really takes its toll. And that’s how I identified myself much more with Moondancer. She looked like Twilight and was close to her, but her friends left her, and she became depressed, shut herself up in her room, and passed her time reading, waiting for death. MLP sold me a lie about friendship. I was so devoted to my friends, and yet friendships are broken anyway. Friendships that just disappear, that just break apart despite great devotions. The unaccountable losses are the dark matter of stories: they exist aplenty, but they don’t make a good story, so they don’t get told about. Horrors that hide in plain sight from their boringness. I am great at living in the margins, in the cracks between categories. I am the kind of filly who typesets her suicide note in LaTeX, complete with formulas and bibliography. I don’t know, I just suffer. So much thought and so little meaning. I have made depressing art for many years. Sometimes I get kind replies, but nothing sticks, anyway. Everything I say goes away like a scream. I have thought about keeping this animatic and only releasing it when I die. Kind of a suicide note. But considering how good I am at procrastinating, it would be a waste of a perfectly good animatic. And what’s the point? It would be forgotten too. The wind blows out; the bubble dies; The spring entombed in autumn lies; The dew dries up; the star is shot; The flight is past; and man forgot. ----- My links