If only I had the courage to kill myself

2019... Where do I start? Beginning of the year wasn’t too bad, at least I skated a good bit. Then it all went down hill. Calling off work too many times so I could go skate on the nice days ended up screwing me so bad down the line and now I just feel like dying. I didn’t save up any money all year so I can’t quit the job that is keeping me in Boston, and I can’t transfer because I called off too many times. I missed my opportunity. Story of my life. I’ve never had the guts to chase my dreams and do what I