Hilarious Southwest Airline Safety Presentation (Open Captions)

This is the full text version of this very funny but whip-speedy monologue of the Southwest flight attendant who got on the Ellen Show in April of 2014. I do this version for my deaf friends because the automatic closed captioning on the other videos is no good. Update: Yes, I know there are two kinds of peals/peels. I tried very hard to use correct spelling and grammar and punctuation but even with the aid of the computer’s spell & grammar checkers, I missed that one. Once a youtube video has been uploa